Blog Header

Blog Header

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Results: The Disappointment that Waits from Being Overly Optimistic


Last week, I had my post-radiation, post-scan doctor’s appointment to find out if radiation worked. I had also been experiencing some new symptoms in my spine and sacrum, so these were also being examined.

I was feeling, at least in regards to the brain radiation, pretty optimistic. I figured that the radiation would work with little trouble, as that has been the pattern for radiation and me.

Instead, we found that as fast as the radiation was working (killing tumors) it was also growing more (tumors) so much so, that the brain scan pretty much looked the same.

In addition, there is more tumor activity in the lungs (accompanied by a dry, loud, persistent cough which everyone kept tell me was “allergies”.  Apparently not. There are more, active tumors in my spine and sacrum, which have become excruciatingly painful. It has become very difficult to walk and sit in particular positions. If you’ve ever had bone pain, you know how ugly it is.

I was told the next step was chemotherapy (again) to which I said, “no”. I’m done with chemotherapy, which will hold off the inevitable for a mere three to four months while making me feel subhuman.

So, I signed up for home hospice yesterday. I met with a very nice Austrian lady named Esther who got me some very lovely meds that made my pain disappear and made me into a much more pleasant person.

It took me a day or two to come to terms with it – I was sad and confused and afraid and angry, and wondering how in the world this happened, and how did it happen so fast? I’m coming around, though, and hope to be able to spend good time with family and friends.

Until “D-day” I hope to keep up my blog. I’d like to document my dying days to help people (all of whom will die some day) have and idea of what goes through someone’s mind and body as it slows down and dies.

At this point, I’m happy and at peace with having made this decision. There’s something of a relief to it, not having to make any more big treatment decisions that could change my life in horrible ways.

I hope you that if any of you have this choice to make, that yours is made with such peace.



6 comments:

  1. tough call, very courageous, hope I can be. prayers always Ruth.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh this makes me sad. I am glad to know that you know what you want I am not so sure I would be as brave. Love you so much and you continue to be in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Ruth just came across your site (have pain in rib's etc. so looking up stuff) I am hoping you are still at peace as much as possible considering all. & wanted to share a few scriptures with you, hopefully you or some one can read to you, they made me feel better. Isaiah 35:5,6 2peter 2:9 Matt 5:5 rev 21:4 & my favorites psalms 37: 9-11 & 29 living on earth forever HAPPY no pain etc. If like can email me at lf555555@hotmail.com if have any questions I would be glad to try & answer, will pray for your endurance! Linda

    ReplyDelete
  4. Or lf2020202020@gmail.com sorry Linda

    ReplyDelete

  5. Colorectal cancer, cancer of the large intestine, is the fourth most common cancer in North America. Many cases of colorectal cancer are associated with low levels of physical activity and with diets that are low in fruits and vegetables. Individuals with a family history of the disease have a higher risk. I crumble with this disease for 5 years also with a lot of scaring thought in my head because i was just waiting for death every day of my life until My Son came to me in the hospital explaining to me that he has find a herbal healer from Nigeria to cure my Colo-Rectal Cancer,I was so shocked with the ideal also i was excited inside of me.My son asked me to let us give him a try because we have really heard a lot of scammer pretending to cure all sort of diseases with herbal medicine and some of them never get a positive result at the end of it all but we was very confident on this herbal doctor,like i said we give him a try and he sent me a herbal medicine to drink for three weeks, Sincerely I'm telling you today I' alive and healthy no more laying on sick bed,No more Colo-Rectal Cancer.I'm sharing this testimony on here for people who are sick to contact this Wonderful man,His name is Dr Itua.And His contact Whatsapp_+2348149277967____Email...info@drituaherbalcenter.com / drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com.
    He can cure those diseases like:
    Bladder cancer
    Breast cancer
    Colorectal cancer
    Kidney cancer
    Leukemia
    Lung cancer
    Non-Hodgkin lymphoma
    Prostate cancer
    Skin cancer
    Uterine cancer
    Hiv/Aids
    Herpes
    Hepatits
    Love Spell
    Diabetes

    ReplyDelete
  6. How I became a happy woman again
    With tears of joy and happiness I am giving out my testimony to all viewers on line, my problem with Stomach Cancer stage IB and HIV has caused me many pains and sadness especially in my family.
    I was so afraid of loosing my life, I suffered the embarrassment of visiting
    therapy hundreds of times, unfortunately they did not find a definitive solution to my problem, I cried all day and night, do I have to live my life this way? I searched all true the internet for care, I was scammed by internet fraudsters times without numbers… until a friend of mine who stays in the UK introduced me to a friend of hers who was cured of the same disease, and she introduced me to Dr Itua who cured her from Breast Cancer by this email/WhatsApp +2348149277967,  drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com. I contacted him and he promised that all will be fine and I had faith.He sent me his herbal medicines through Courier service and i was instructed on how to drink it for three weeks to cure,I followed the instruction given to me and Today am a happy woman again. He cures all kind of diseases like,Brain cancer,Gestational trophoblastic disease,Head and neck cancer,Ovarian cancer,Hodgkin lymphoma,Herpes,,Liver cancer,Throat cancer,Syndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans ProgresS sclerosis,Alzheimer's disease,Chronic Diarrhea,Copd,Parkinson,Als,Adrenocortical carcinoma  Infectious mononucleosis,Intestinal cancer,Thyroid Cancer,Uterine cancer,Fibroid,Angiopathy, Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis,Brain Tumor,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone ToxicityBladder cancer,Hiv,Esophageal cancer,Gallbladder cancer,Kidney cancer,Hpv,Lung cancer,Melanoma,Mesothelioma,Multiple myeloma,Neuroendocrine tumors
    Non-Hodgkin lymphoma,Oral cancer,Sinus cancer,Hepatitis A,B/C,Skin cancer,Soft tissue sarcoma,Spinal cancer,Stomach cancer,Vaginal cancer,Vulvar cancer,Testicular cancer,Tach Diseases,Leukemia.

    ReplyDelete