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Friday, April 12, 2013

Existing in Bytes of Life

I’m sitting here getting my umpteenth infusion and thinking about the future. The future with me - the future with me and cancer - the future with me and cancer that is progressing.

Slowly, but surely, my cancer is progressing. Dr. J. assures me that its pace is glacial but also said that this fall (probably) we’ll have to start Plan B.

What that is, is currently unclear … perhaps I’ll be reintroduced to my old friend carboplatin (blech).

She also mentioned at some point referring me to lung cancer genetic specialists in New York, Boston, or Denver.

This news of progression is fairly fresh and so I haven’t really had time to think about it, but at what point does it become not worth it? Don’t get me wrong, I’m ... overzealous? I keep hoping I’ll recognize that point when I get there and be able to make good decisions about it.

For now, Dr. J. suggested that I enjoy the summer and we’ll see what happens.

I’ve said this before – it’s a hard way to live, this ‘wait and see’, scan-to-scan, existing in bytes of life instead of the whole story. It seems it’s not going to change.

I wish I could find some way to make it easier – that I could somehow learn to embrace this new way of living…

Suggestions, as always, are welcome.

1 comment:

  1. Amen! "Existing in bytes of life instead of the whole story" maddening though I try to tell myself each day I am also grateful to be alive.